Happy Birthday, Joan Louise

JOAN LOUISE

Life seems to be a series of moments,

Some determined, some by chance,

Some happy, others sad, and

At times, indifference.

Impossible to recall the moment of birth,

Need memories of parents,

Sharing their joy of a new life,

All becoming a blur with time.

Birthdays are times of memory,

Stories about the past,

Often with humor,

Sometimes with tears.

And then a stranger enters,

Wondering about sharing lives,

Hoping to create new life,

With new stories.

I wonder often about life’s serendipity,

How some seem so blessed,

And, at the moment I am the one!

I am so happy she was born,

And became part of my life.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOAN

Berkeley and San Francisco, Revisited

After celebratIng the 50th wedding anniversary of Bruce and Susan Cogan, we still had one more day in California. We decided to take full advantage of the opportunity to revisit scenes from our days here 50 years ago.  

Our visit to Berkeley occurred before the party for Bruce and Susan.  We wanted to relive some memories of the my student days at the Graduate Theological Union and the University of California where I studied psychology. We recalled the hill to our house which will always be a source of dark humor. Generally, Joan rode her bicycle to the hospital, but as her first pregnancy neared it’s end, she took the bus. The hill was foreboding each evening, but more so on one evening that ended with the birth of Sara. Somehow or other, each evening was a challenge, but I never recalled a complaint.  But it never escaped her memory. We saw the house where we lived for the first few years, the university building (now under repair) where I spent much of my time, the gorgeous hills of Berkeley displaying the famous eucalyptus trees. 

We wanted to see what the current Children’s Hospital looked like. It was enormous, but we captured the small portion of the original structure. Joan treasures her memory of so much that occurred in the neonatal unit where they first treated successfully babies with hyaline membrane disease (the condition resulted in the death of President John Kennedy’s baby boy). I remember visiting occasionally to watch Joan through the window deftly maneuver her hands to care for these premature infants. 

In our effort to renew our memories of Northern California, we headed toward Muir Beach which required going over the Golden Gate Bridge. We always treasured the beauty of the hills filled with eucalyptus trees within sight of the ocean.  It was in this area that we got our first dog, Amy, when we stopped at Stinson Beach. 

We returned to the city. We reveled at the streets of San Francisco that transition from one hill to the next.  We then ended up at Fisherman's Pier. As often happens, we saw change that made us aware how fortunate we were to experience the area 50 years ago. Life goes on and, at times, the past is better. 

Our last stop was special (even if the Top of the Mark did not open until later).  I cannot tell you how amazing it was that we would go there once in a while for a drink while looking over the city. We would sit there, trying to understand our good fortune. Then, we would go across the street to the Tonga Room to dance. The memories are still vibrant, but the best part of the experience remains at my side. Nothing compares to Joan Louise!

Life is Unfair

My daughter-in-law, the distinguished educator in New Orleans, has been a constant critic of Common Core and Charter Schools, among other multiple issues of concern. In response to some of her writing, I felt the need to share my inherent, heart-felt ache that life is unfair.

That life is unfair may seem to epitomize the obvious! Yet, it is only in lessening the gap separating those who have been fortunate enough to have access to caring parents, good education, and economic stability and those not so fortunate that we can hope for more peaceful and productive society.  Babies are generally more alike than not. The occasionally genetic mishaps strike somewhat randomly throughout the general population. Babies do not chose to be economically deprived!

My view of life is that we are inherently more alike than not. The differences in our lives seem attributed to the impact of poverty on outcomes. Families do not do well if poor. Marriages are less likely to succeed. Poor health is correlated with various aspects of poverty, e.g., inadequate and inferior food and living conditions resulting in obesity, diabetes, asthma, and other medical conditions.

Those living in segregated housing generally have less access to good schools that encourage academic achievement. People often chose communities to live because they support good educational systems. Those unable to exercise a choice are usually characterized by their own history of poverty and poor education, resulting in unrewarding jobs with poor pay.

And this is looking at only this nation. What about those born in Haiti, parts of Africa and Asia, as well as other places in the world? It seems to go on and on. There is no end to the problems associated with poverty.

No one chooses to be poor!

The worldview I have is a more equitable distribution of wealth. I support this vision both from a moral and selfish perspective.

It is morally outrageous that the wealth of more successful people is not better shared with others. I look at my life as a gift of a series of fortunate strokes of luck. Given my early family history, it is still a mystery that I survived rather unscathed my childhood experiences. I surely do not attribute any success to my extraordinary capabilities. I was spared suffering consequences from some poor decisions and blessed by other experiences that turned out well. One could say that it was “dumb luck”. I surely was not clairvoyant, thinking strategically how best to further long term goals 
and objectives

My eight years studying to be a priest were less a good preparation for life than another test of survival. Our recent reunion of my priest brothers (53 years since ordination) was an opportunity to recall contemporaries now defamed because of pedophilia. Some have literally fallen off the face of the earth, i.e., no one knows what happened to them. I do not know what would have been my ultimate history if I did not decide to leave on my terms. And I cannot claim that I was experienced in the business of choosing a partner in life. My choice was great in every way without giving me credit for such magnificent insight.

In short, my good fortune in my choices makes me aware of my moral obligation to share my “wealth” with others. I have consistently admired nations that used its tax system to redistribute wealth for the benefit of everyone.

But, in addition to a moral obligation arising from my common humanity with others, there is also a selfish motive. I do see wars and conflicts arising from perceived injustices rising from the maldistribution of wealth and corruption. Instead of so much spent on weapons of war, why not work with others to use economic changes that enable people to live more easily at peace. Present discussions of problems associated with immigration reminds me that such issues would never surface if people could live justly and securely where they were born. People generally migrate to survive, as did my Irish ancestors. Irish society only worked for first-born males and women who married first-born males. Migrating was a mode to survival!

Until we address the societal unfairness resulting from economic disparities, we will continue to see that the poor are more likely to have poor health, less successful education, poor choices in adult relationships, less rewarding jobs, and higher probability of a shorter lifespan

Bruce and Susan’s 50th Wedding Anniversary

Life is a series of moments that are filled, at times, intentionally, and at other times, by accident. In 1969, Joan and I went to California for graduate school education.  In order to survive, Joan worked. It doesn’t seem fair now, but at the time, there seemed to be little choice.  Sometimes, such a beginning can work out very well.

Joan easily was hired at Oakland’s Children Hospital where she worked in the neonatal unit. It was fascinating work. I used to go there occasionally watching her deftly insert her hands into the incubator to feed the premie and administer medications. It was so fascinating. And she seemed totally in her element.

One of the unexpected gifts was working with Susan Cogan. Apart from sharing their work career, they became friends, enabling our sharing time with her and her husband, Bruce, a law school student. For the next five years, there were many opportunities to share our experiences as students and new parents. 

Even though we were geographically separated for the next 45 years, Joan and Susan kept in contact by phone. There were a couple of occasions when we were able to be together, including a few occasions when Joan went to California to be with Susan when Bruce was hospitalized.

And now, 50 years later we were able to be present to celebrate their wedding anniversary with their three children, two grandchildren, and friends. We were most fortunate for being their friends. We would not have missed this happy occasion.

Catholic Priesthood

I consider myself relatively well versed in religion and theology. I have read much and have “traveled” through many phases of understanding. 

And yet, there is always something to learn.

Gary Wills has been a source of many aspects of my travels through religion and theology (cf. “Gary Wills” on my blog). His article today in the Washington Post represents an a novel approach where he focuses on the priesthood by zooming past all the current problems of the Catholic Church associated with sex abuse to conclude that there is no basis for the priesthood in the first place. 

I am amazed that this never occurred to me before. As he indicates, there was no priesthood in the first couple of centuries. The recurring gatherings to rememberJesus was not led by a male “priest”. Admittedly, there were “elders”, people who obtained leadership roles by virtue to their skills, that led communities. There was nothing about an ordained person being the leader. And the “Eucharist” was indeed a method of sharing memories and experiences.

Like so much in life, we spend so much time undoing our ignorance. Surely, I have undergone many versions of “truth” in my effort to be aligned with reality. I hated the thought that my ignorance would deprive me of experiencing life to its fullest. It is hard to believe how much I would have missed if I had not left the priesthood to be married. I would have missed so much because I did not want to admit ignorance or failure.  

The clerical sex abuse crisis (now apparently relevant to some women religious) is admittedly a problem for the Catholic Church. But, if Gary Wills is correct, the solution is not aligned with the pope and episcopal leaders’ approach that involves changing clerical behavior. 

The most effective solution is devolving the priesthood as an institution. Admittedly, this would not easily be done, but there is no good reason to believe that the hierarchy’s approach will achieve the desired goal.

(1) http://edition.pagesuite.com/popovers/dynamic_article_popover.aspx?artguid=4a869de3-4a0a-4ae0-ae9f-9d2bb2f04571&appid=1165

New Year 2019

Sometimes I wish that my brain worked differently. I am always mentally involved in problems beyond my scope. 

As we enter a New Year, I am mindful of all the reasons for being thankful for so much.  

I never stop being amazed about the good fortune of living with such a beautiful person, as is Joan Louise. Thinking that we will soon be celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary gives me shivers over the miracle of our lives together. It has never stopped being a source of wonder.

And then, to think that we were blessed with three great children who, in turn, married three wonderful people, and they, in turn, gave us six beautiful grandchildren. 

All of this is more than anyone can rightfully hope to experience. 

And yet, I spend so much time pondering what is wrong with the world we live in. Why are so many children raised without the benefits of parents capable of providing them with the resources of love and goods commensurate with their needs?

I think of all the people fleeing persecution and/or danger who find that there is “no room” for them. I can almost feel their sadness and pain as they try to survive an unlivable situation.

By a fluke of historical circumstance, I enjoyed working a productive life with the Veterans Administration. I found my work intellectually satisfying and I was paid as much as I could ever have expected. I was able to retire with benefits, capable of being liberal with my family as well as share some resources with those in need. I am now aware of so many paid so little and/or have so few benefits regarding healthcare and retirement. 

Why was I spared the problems confronting so many others? It pains me to think of those suffering from the problems of poor governments and political policies that are skewed to some without benefiting all?

As my life sees its end in the relatively near future, I shiver with anxiety about problems confronting humanity that I will escape. There is clearly dangers from national leaders who have the power to unleash weapons that are potentially earth shattering. And if not nuclear destruction, the creeping rise of global warming will destroy the beautiful environment that nurtures our humanity.  

I welcome 2019 with gratitude for my life and the family that been such a source of love. At the same time, I hope that the peoples of this world will find leaders who will provide the leadership that will be benefit all.