Five Keys to Happiness

Oprah Winfrey is one of my heroes. I was not a follower of hers when she was a daily icon to many. But, from a distance, I admired her reach to many people. Her views and values were similar to mine. Over the last year, we have been recording her Super Sunday interviews. Some of these interviews do not interest me, but others are strikingly helpful in clarifying or solidifying some of my values.

Recently, we watched her interview of Jeff Weiner, the CEO of Linkedin. His career started with Yahoo and then transitioned to Linkedin as interim President until the firm was bought out by Microsoft. He is now the CEO of Linkedin. He was named in 2014 as one of the top 10 CEOs at U.S. Tech Companies.

Oprah Winfrey’s interview focused on his understanding and philosophy of managing people. He attributed much of success to his wife’s influence, a phenomenon I can identify with.

But, I was most interested in his Five Keys to Happiness since they affirmed my vision of a meaningful life. They provide me a chance to express my understanding of these principles.

1.   BE IN THE MOMENT

My worldview transitioned over time from a “set of truths” associated with organized religion. Now I have been able to focus on the moment as the most relevant principle. In the moment, I have total awareness that I am alive and in relationship to all that exists. I have this moment now. The past no longer is and I may never see tomorrow (or as my granddaughter says, “you will never see tomorrow, because tomorrow will then today”). What matters is my awareness of the gift of being a part of this universe, a concept that does tie to my past that included Pierre Theilard deChardin. Focusing on the moment makes the painful more bearable and beautiful simply ecstatic.

2.   BETTER TO BE LOVING THAN TO BE RIGHT

My history speaks loudly about the prevalence of my being wrong about so many things. There was a time when my current life style and value system would have been castigated as virtually depraved. Surely, the outcome would be hell. So much has changed in these 80 years that it would be hard to recognize continuity. Just as I watched Oprah’s interview of Jeff Weiner, I remain open to the awareness that my current thoughts and values could be as wrong as my understanding of life was in my earlier life. So, being “right” is of far less of value than being loving. Love has no bounds but is concretized in the moment-to-moment interchange with people we meet whether in person or by extrapolation. As much I disagree with Donald Trump, I have no need to wish him ill. There is no personal gain by hating someone, even if I totally disagree with him or her.

3.   BE A SPECTATOR TO YOUR THOUGHTS ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU BECOME EMOTIONAL

When I was a priest, I slowly realized that much of what I was saying was based on my education, which possibly could be better characterized as indoctrination. At any rate, when I ordained a priest, I started out with the conviction that I had the “truth”. I owe the people I met as principal movers of my change. I realized that the people who disagreed with me actually were providing me a conduit for change. Initially, I resisted their views by repeating the “truths” I learned. In time, however, I learned that the feelings of resistance to change would be self-defeating. What I learned then was to respond to disagreements by saying something neutral until I could get time for adequate reflection, thought, and study. Admitting I was wrong was the first step to change. When challenged, I would say “I have to think about this”. It gave me to time to regroup. Over time, it has become easier to deal with moments of resistance. Even though I now am at peace with myself, I also know that life provides opportunities for change, often precipitated by my adult children and grandchildren, and change is often an avenue to progress.

4.   BE GRATEUL FOR ONE THING EVERY DAY

I endorse this key to happiness even though I cannot say that I have consciously done it. As I consider my life, I consider myself as consciously being aware of my good fortune on an ongoing basis. Apart from two years when I felt locked into a job I no longer liked when I was working for the VA, I have been a happy camper since Joan loved me. I generally took one day at a time and enjoyed the people I worked with, the ones I served, and surely found being home with Joan and then, children, as gifts beyond expectation.

5.   BE OF SERVICE TO OTHERS

I never felt that I have done enough for others. The needs of others are overwhelming. I wish that I had done more. I can honestly say that I seldom, if ever, refused to help another. I regret having not the opportunity to be in a position to do more, but I never was egocentric enough to think that I could make this world better. Never saying, “no”, seemed the best that I could do. I try to support others who provide services to those in need. My role as a hospice volunteer is a token expression of the intent to give to others, as others have given to me.

Last Letter to President Obama

45 Glades Rd

Scituate, MA 02066

1 October 2016

President Barack Obama

1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW

Washington, DC 20500

Dear Mr. President,

It has been some time since I last wrote to you. I wanted desperately to observe progress in advancing the agenda you advocated eight years ago.  Many of our citizens had our hopes energized by your election and inauguration. It has been a tough slog, described so well by Senator Reid’s congratulation to the Republican leaders for stonewalling your initiatives. If it has been difficult to watch, it must have been agonizing to experience.

I dare say that my prior recommendations did not make any difference. I never saw evidence that there was movement based on what I shared. There is humor that any citizen would think that the President of the United States would maneuver his prescription for change based on a citizen’s suggestions.

Even if my hopes were not totally materialized, I share my gratitude for your many successes.

First and foremost, thank you, Michelle, your daughters, and mother-in-law for giving us such a beautiful portrayal of family life. All the frills of your office come with opportunities to think that you are not subject to the same ethical standards of being human. I watched with sincere gratitude the sincerity of your love for your family. Thank you.

If you had followed my suggestions, you would have been meeting weekly with legislative leaders. As futile and frustrating that would have been, your persistence could possibly have altered the consistent resistance to anything you promoted.

Similarly, I have encouraged you to continue to promote Middle East peace by regular visits and speeches modeled after your early visit to Egypt to promote a positive future for Muslim dominated world.

As it is, you will be leaving office with a real mess in the Middle East. I am grateful that you chose not to use the military to resolve problems beyond the scope of the military. Andrew Bacevich’s remarkable understanding of the role of the military, including its limitations, may have served as a support to your thinking. The military’s role is not to serve as the police of the world. It’s purpose is not nation building.

One can only imagine what today’s world would look like if we dealt with the 9/11 catastrophe as a police action, i.e., finding those responsible and bringing those to justice. Our military cannot fix nations that are broken for whatever reason. The Middle East will never be at peace until the Islam world addresses its inner conflicts. No military action will resolve the Sunni/Shiite enmity.

On the domestic side, I surely wanted a Single Payor Health Plan. Until we can relinquish the private sector’s profit incentives, the gains in successfully extending care to more people is diminished by the high costs of deductibles and the costs of treatment, now escalating by incredibly wonderful advancements.

I am surely a supporter of your strong agenda to address global warming. Within the limits of my extended family, I am like a record spouting the dire consequences our grandchildren will experience unless we change.

I wish that there had been more effort to explain the benefits and necessity of a trade agreement with Far East nations. The issues are complex, but are addressed by many economists.

The current issue of the Economist devotes a section on the various effects of global trade. Its complexity may have been a reason for devoting more public time to this issue. But, in the long run, it is clear that we cannot hide from international trade without suffering severe consequences.

As we approach the election of the next president, we are witnessing the fruits of political dysfunction. There must be a few people who think that Congress has satisfied the needs of our nation. However, most people have been frustrated with the level of dysfunction. The days of committee recommendations being processed in an orderly fashion seems like a fantasy. It has been so long since Congress has passed a budget on time. It has been so long that issues identified as important are addressed. The choices provided the electorate are surprisingly poor. It epitomizes the state of our national affairs that talented, younger persons would not seek the office you have held.

In closing, I wish you and your family all the happiness that everyone deserves. I look forward to your contributions to our world, as a private citizen, albeit with some added benefits.

Peace and gratitude,

Edward Toomey