There are few moments in life that are unique and, ultimately, precious forever. In March 1969, I saw Joan in the church parking lot. I told her privately that I would be leaving the parish and going to California for graduate school. I said, somewhat naively, that I would love her to come with me, but I could understand why she wouldn’t. I was beginning a new experience without much resources. To my delight, Joan quickly said “yes” and a new life started.
Since Joan so readily agreed to join me, unexpected questions surfaced. How should we live? It did not take long to decide to be married. We had to identify a priest who would be willing to officiate at a quiet wedding at Joan’s parents’ house. Since it was still unusual for a priest to be married, we wanted no publicity. Things fell into place rather quickly and on July 19, we were married at the house where Joan grew up. The few people who came were mostly relatives, but there were a few special friends we invited.
After a wonderful wedding, Joan and I went to New York City for a weekend together. As we celebrated our new life, the United States was celebrating the landing on the moon! In its own way, both events were spectacular!
Within the next few weeks, we continued our jobs. Joan continued as a nurse and I started as a taxi cab driver in Boston. We enjoyed our start in marriage and I was happy with my new temporary job. I was always fascinated by taxi cab drivers, but I soon learned how difficult it was. Identifying productive spots and avoiding time in the airport taxi pool were important. My “career” as a taxi driver ended suddenly when another driver was stabbed to death. I knew enough to quickly quit this summer job.
And so we headed to Berkeley, California, we drove a Volvo with some clothes and a tent that we used each night along Route 80. Each day was special since neither of us ever expected that we would be starting a new life together by traveling across the country. There were so many special moments. We generally chose to leave the highway for breakfast at a very local place that was crowded with town people. It was fascinating. One in Nebraska was a highlight. Mobbed with locals, we had a huge breakfast that cost practically nothing. We had other special moments, but none more spectacular than our night at Steamboat Springs, Colorado. The scenery that was so special was enhanced by waking up in our tent to the sounds of cows mooing in the meadow. It would not have taken us much to stay, but we were committed to our goal in Berkeley. And, as we drove down University Avenue, we both were wide-eyed blown away with the beauty and the fact that this is where we were starting our new lives.
For the next five years, I was involved in academics and, in time, I got a job at the VA Hospital in Martinez after completing my practicum. But nothing compared to the experience of Joan’s biking to Oakland’s Children’s Hospital, even when she was pregnant. Occasionally I would go to the neonatal unit to watch her hands care for these extremely small infants. For me, the whole experience was beyond words.
And then our lives became even more wondrous, When I saw Sara emerge into the world, I was totally overwhelmed. And, in another twelve months we greeted Sean to his new family. Could anything be better?
We had a few wrinkles along the way. Graduate school did not end as expected, so I went to the University of Louisville for a year to get a Master’s in Social Work. The year we lived in New Albany, Indiana, was special for many reasons from living out of boxes to enjoying my weekly visit to the beautiful town library which had a special children’s room that Sara and Sean enjoyed.
And, then, after graduation, a new job resulted in a relatively short stay in Derry, NH. A new position at the VA Hospital in Boston prompted us to find a home relatively near Joan’s parents in Medfield.
We did not anticipate that Sara and Sean wanted another sibling. We had become accustomed to our two children and our dog, Amy. But, we could not resist their pleas and so, Neal joined us to give us more pleasure than we could have ever anticipated.
Unexpectedly, I was bored with social work in a hospital setting. I fortunately got an administrative position in Berkeley, WV which provided us with a unique experience in so many ways. It was surely an area that was remote but so beautiful. We had to make adjustments, and luckily, in one year, I got a similar position in Pittsburgh where everyone enjoyed living. And then, in another year, we returned to our home in Medfield which we had rented since there was no market for homes at that time.
Between March1969 and October 1,1977 (Neal’s birthday), I had experienced more than anyone could expect in a life time. But, we were open to the future.
The next 42 years were filled with ordinary family tasks and experiences. But, for me, nothing was ordinary! Everything seemed to be miraculous since everything seemed so good. Even being tested by children was beautiful since everything worked out well. Our children adopted our values in many ways, including the benefits of a good education. As it turns out, I am blown away that our children became all that we hoped for. And, to think that they gave us gifts of their beautiful marriage partners and, in turn, six beautiful grandchildren who have given us so much love.
As we now celebrate 50 years of marriage, I am awed by the seamless story of love that we have shared. It has almost been too simple! I never lost the beauty of Joan in my life. Each day has been so much the same because it is hard to improve a loving relationship. When you love someone, there is no need to be angry or loud. We talk and we love and now, we are looking back on 50 years with such humble gratitude.
I love you, Joan, and am totally grateful to you.
